Selfish Ambitions
Humans are selfish creatures. Those who are not, are not humans. The desire to destroy and own each things remains in the hearts and will never cease till one attains enlightenment.
I always believed that i liked helping people caused i didn't like seeing sad faces. But as i grew older, the more i see, the worse i become to adapt to the changes of the society. It is a fact that people need company in order to walk a longer distance, yet "Friendship is a Bridge to Success" still evidently works--> a subtle form of transection within our hearts. "Helping other is just an action which people do so as to receive help from others when you are in need." This term is so very true, especially for those people who take in no regard of the amount of things one does. I can think of only a handful of people who will truely dearly come to my aid when crisis calls, naming a few : Mooky, Ah Tai, Mao wei. Etc. that comes to my mind. Without hesitation, they will fly by my side and not think of benefits (partly cause i am useless/ no value? LOL) By many a times, i am dis-heartened by the fact that people start to think of me only when there is a NEED. This is true for me too, therefore i am in no position to criticse anybody; just stating my views. Just yesterday, i came back from a grueeling trip from Wu Tai Mountain, tired and shagged, a couple of friends called me-- 1st thing they asked was : "Jason, could we used your membership card discount for foot massage?" I know they are already there.. but shouldn't they have told me first before doing such a thing? Willl it hurt to ask how was my trip? Maybe Khe was right, i shouldn't do too many things for people, as they naturally take things for granted, but me? i just wanted some concern.. Glad to have my roomie JX ard though :)
If only they knew that i asked my dad to purchase the card was because they liked the foot massage and i tot we could enjoy the offer together, yet this time, they went without me. The reason: I am not really part of the group afterall, furthermore, i am staying far away right? Doesn't matter. As a closed friend once said: All this will be over once GIP ends. Is it worth continuing meeting? I truely enjoy the whole thing but this probably is nearing the "REAL WORLD" where imagination and purity doesn't co-exisit anymore. Every MAN/WOMAN for themselves. I wish to return to the world where there are no desires or 108 Worldly problems. Deep down i have the answer: Buddhisim would bring my senses up to a new level, while Chrsitianity will give me an inner peace. Friendship means something only when it doesn not mean a thing. The only true way to understand a person is to live with them.
As my Beijing trip is coming to an end, i look back and wonder: how i was so afraid of QN, Always pondered why JX hates me, till now when i am so gd terms with them, yet disgusted by some others puni actions. Life itself is a meaningless circle, only by experiencing all do we know the greatness of BREAKING FREE.
Dear guys, i am just doing my mindless ranting once again, mind not of what i say. Cause this is the only place where i could rant freely and shout out whatever is stuck in my head/heart. One thing i am clear of is: I am going to leave behind REGRETS and PAIN, not knowing what the future holds, i am still willing to go to venture to the unknow cause i BELIEVE that it can never be worse that what i have here.
~Empty is the Mind of One Full of Knowledge, for he does not know the greatness Of Nothingness~
I always believed that i liked helping people caused i didn't like seeing sad faces. But as i grew older, the more i see, the worse i become to adapt to the changes of the society. It is a fact that people need company in order to walk a longer distance, yet "Friendship is a Bridge to Success" still evidently works--> a subtle form of transection within our hearts. "Helping other is just an action which people do so as to receive help from others when you are in need." This term is so very true, especially for those people who take in no regard of the amount of things one does. I can think of only a handful of people who will truely dearly come to my aid when crisis calls, naming a few : Mooky, Ah Tai, Mao wei. Etc. that comes to my mind. Without hesitation, they will fly by my side and not think of benefits (partly cause i am useless/ no value? LOL) By many a times, i am dis-heartened by the fact that people start to think of me only when there is a NEED. This is true for me too, therefore i am in no position to criticse anybody; just stating my views. Just yesterday, i came back from a grueeling trip from Wu Tai Mountain, tired and shagged, a couple of friends called me-- 1st thing they asked was : "Jason, could we used your membership card discount for foot massage?" I know they are already there.. but shouldn't they have told me first before doing such a thing? Willl it hurt to ask how was my trip? Maybe Khe was right, i shouldn't do too many things for people, as they naturally take things for granted, but me? i just wanted some concern.. Glad to have my roomie JX ard though :)
If only they knew that i asked my dad to purchase the card was because they liked the foot massage and i tot we could enjoy the offer together, yet this time, they went without me. The reason: I am not really part of the group afterall, furthermore, i am staying far away right? Doesn't matter. As a closed friend once said: All this will be over once GIP ends. Is it worth continuing meeting? I truely enjoy the whole thing but this probably is nearing the "REAL WORLD" where imagination and purity doesn't co-exisit anymore. Every MAN/WOMAN for themselves. I wish to return to the world where there are no desires or 108 Worldly problems. Deep down i have the answer: Buddhisim would bring my senses up to a new level, while Chrsitianity will give me an inner peace. Friendship means something only when it doesn not mean a thing. The only true way to understand a person is to live with them.
As my Beijing trip is coming to an end, i look back and wonder: how i was so afraid of QN, Always pondered why JX hates me, till now when i am so gd terms with them, yet disgusted by some others puni actions. Life itself is a meaningless circle, only by experiencing all do we know the greatness of BREAKING FREE.
Dear guys, i am just doing my mindless ranting once again, mind not of what i say. Cause this is the only place where i could rant freely and shout out whatever is stuck in my head/heart. One thing i am clear of is: I am going to leave behind REGRETS and PAIN, not knowing what the future holds, i am still willing to go to venture to the unknow cause i BELIEVE that it can never be worse that what i have here.
~Empty is the Mind of One Full of Knowledge, for he does not know the greatness Of Nothingness~
posted by Jazon @ 7:54 PM
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